Just a Mom

I originally wrote this blog post in 2011 when I was living overseas and blogging as a way to process everything I was experiencing. I’m sharing it here because it sets the stage perfectly for where God has me in life right now. Being a mom has always been my dream. And God is kind to remind me of that on the hard days 🙂

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Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve been fascinated by children.  I was that annoying little 7-year old who would follow around the mom with a baby relentlessly asking, “Can I hold him now please?” I was mothering other kids before I was even out of diapers myself.  If there was a baby in the building, little Abby was glued to its side. (not much has changed…).  My Granddaddy used to tease me that my birthday parties looked more like baby showers than little girl parties.  Folks, we even had to pack an extra little suitcase on our family vacation when I was in third grade…the extra suitcase belonged to by baby doll (who was, in fact, a real baby, thank you very much!).

I feel like God planted a mother’s heart deep within my soul while He was still knitting my together in my mother’s womb.  Its just always been a part of who I am.  As I enter into my senior year of college, I’m often asked, “So, what do you want to do after college?  What are your career goals?  What’s next?”  And as I spelled out in my last post, I have no idea what the future holds and I only pray that my wayward heart will be obedient to His tender voice. I don’t know where I’ll be this time next year or what I’ll be doing.  But, the desire of my heart as a little girl still rings true today:  I really just want to be a mom when I grow up.

I went through a brief period where I was a little embarrassed to tell people that I just wanted to be a mom.  People would say, “Oh, I know that…but like, what do you want to do?” And I would repeat, “Well,  uh, I want to be a mom…really.”  I don’t really appreciate the phrase, “Just a mom.”  To me, this implies that being “just a mom” is something a person reverts to when other avenues fail.  That greater things are expected of most people but then there are some who never achieve greater things…so they’re labeled “just moms”.  Let me say…I am so so so so thankful for the “just moms” to have raised and molded Godly warriors for my King–warriors who have changed the world because their “just mom” took the time and energy to selflessly pour herself into their lives teaching them and (more importantly) showing them how to love God and love people.  I have a whole lot of respect for all you “just moms” out there. 

You know, behind a lot (not all, but a lot) of godly warriors stands a godly mama.  A mama who spends hours on her knees on behalf of her children.  A mama who labors continuously sowing the seeds of salvation in their tender hearts. A mama who “salts the oats” in order to make His Word as desirable as possible so that her children will find themselves hungering and thirsting after it.  A mama who hums songs about her Savior while she’s cooking supper.  A mama who sets an example of forgiveness, love, and humility.  A mama who serves others and gives her children opportunities to do the same.   It seems to me that God often uses a Godly mama to shape the hearts or future warriors.

I don’t know what the future holds.  And I will count it my greatest joy if God allows me to be an actual mother.  But you know what?  I am also comforted and excited to know that even if I never have physical children on this earth, each and every day, I have the glorious opportunity to sow seeds and salt oats for as many spiritual “children” as I can.  And I pray to live my life in such a way, that on that glorious day when we are all gathered at the throne, I will be surrounded by children.  Children from all nations, tribes, and social statuses who I’ve had the privilege of introducing to my Father.  And together we will rejoice together as we sing, “Holy, Holy, Holy is He”.

So just in case anyone was wondering…  I am a twenty-year old college kid.  And I want to be a mom when I grow up. A 15-passenger van literally is my dream car.  I want to raise a mob of God-fearing kiddos.  I want to send out a band of mighty warriors.  And I want to see the world be changed.

P.S- Just a side note…my “mother’s heart” breaks every single day living in this house of 140 precious children who do not have “just a mom” or “just a dad” for that matter.  I live in a house of 140 potential warriors–and they need brave mommies and daddies and take them under their wings and prepare them for battle.  Any takers?